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March 22, 2004

Test Man: Guilty of harrassment and trespassing!!!

On behalf of my clients The Sprint Guy, The Dell Guy, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Carrot Top, James Earle Jones, The Enzyte Guy and, surprisingly, The Blue Man Group, I would like to express my disgust with your incessant and unabashed obsessive-compulsive public telephoning. Furthermore, the Offices of Birnbaum Coleman & Turchynsky are in possession of evidence that you illegally accessed several private properties without permission in the course of your sick game.

You, Mr. Paul Marcarelli — to use your government name — have violated several sections of the California Civil Code and we intend to sue you with much zest and glee.

Luckily, I live a life of ease, vest wealth and several cellular telephone devices of my own for various matters of both business and personal nature. But, for those brave individuals living in my 1984 Toyota Corolla in the parking lot of the Rite-Aid, paying the security guard to look the other way while I consume a steady diet of unauthorized cold "orange chicken" that the people in the dollar ($1) Chinese food establishment, adjacent, discard at days end happen to be watching The Practice on the television of the Rent-A-Center, said individual (which shall in no way be construed as being me, Zach Birnbaum, close associate of Camryn Manheim) would experience much pain and suffering by being forced to endure your psychotic taunting ad infinitum albeit during commercial breaks.

We will not falter, SIR!!

Okay thanks bye,


Posted by Zachary Birnbaum at 11:03 AM | Comments (0)