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August 24, 2007

Verizon's So-Called "Test Man" Exposed


For the record I submit new evidence, which my firm, Birnbaum Coleman & Turchynsky has recently acquired, proving Verizon, its assigns, baby mamas, party jokes and myriad brown nosers to be, clearly, a set of devious criminals simply begging for their buttocks to be reddened by the stern hand of Law.

You may know this individual as "Test Man," "The Verizon Guy" for those in California and the "Can you hear me know? Good!" guy to those in the South. To many, this individual represents all that is decent and, yes, legal.


However, behold this cunning trickster:


Not only does this subversive marginal (one Paul Marcarelli) have the easiest job in the(se) (United) States, but, as the evidence shows, he is satisfied squandering his fortune away in cheap hotels, smoking marijuana cigarettes, dressing up as a sailor and reaching for his genitals as if he were one Curtis Jackson aka 50 Cent.

To Mr. Marcarelli I say:


Get off the dope and submit adequately chilled lager, appropriate accompanying foodstuffs and a clean Dutch harlot to our expansive offices at once (or, at least, by Monday) lest we release the remainder of the series (with, of course, the joint permission of Robert Blake and Chaka Kahn) which you and I both know is LESS than flattering.

Yours in Christ,


Posted by Zachary Birnbaum at 08:59 AM | Comments (0)