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October 19, 2005

Mr. Hussein, Cease Your Mockery Of Sean Connery At Once.


Mr. Saddam Hussein al-Majid:


As if my firm, ("The Firm") weren't excessively booked, this morning's routine of reviewing my backlog of messages revealed this disturbing plea from Sean Connery, a valued client and dear friend:


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During a thorough fact checking engagement, taking advantage of the safety and anonymity provided by the Los Angeles Public Library (or "LAPL") internet kiosks, I was appalled to come across yet another of your vile attempts to both mock and appropriate the well rehearsed and masterfully executed pantomimes of said Connery as displayed on the so-called "Yahoo! News" interface (to which The Firm is a subscriber in good standing) and shown below:



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EXHIBIT A - The "You're the man now, dog" pose.


SIR! The slaughtering of scores of Shi'ite Muslims is one thing. But ridicule of Sean Connery is quite another. This firm will NOT sit idly by and watch as you callously appropriate many of Mr. Connery's signature gestures and expressions, obviously in a bid to receive a lesser sentence by shrewdly playing upon the love all Iraqi people have for Mr. Connery.

My client, aforementioned Connery, demands that he be adequately compensated by said "you" (or, in the case that said "you" are hung, your estate) for each and every offense akin to that described herein. Furthermore, this firm shall be granted a large portion of such a settlement which we demand be forwarded immediately as a security deposit.

Happy holidays,
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Z. BIRNBAUM



NOTE: When sending payment, please use the P.O. box rather than the beverly hills address as our bustling mailroom is currently under renovation.

Posted by Zachary Birnbaum | 09:35 AM | Comments (0)