Wednesday, February 20th 2019
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My organization, Birnbaumaco, in association with various others, including, but not limited to Dexy's Midnight Runners, Bank Suissse and Nabisco, as well as their personal trainers, accountants and drinking buddies, are appalled at your very presence. My Client utilizes this ECI for dating options, NOT to be spied upon by the like of you.
You comments are libelous and in direct violation of Section 25852.(h) of the California Food and Agricultural Code. My Client wishes to assert that he is not engaged in any legal activity whatsoever. Please update your files, backing them up to exabyte or any stable media of your choosing.. Your comments are libelous and damaging!
Therefore, we intend to sue you to the bone. You have engaged in the most heinous form of libel and shall pay with either blood or money. Our intermittently well-staffed organization is prepped for battle as is Kurtis Blow.
We have contacted several of our associates from the front the Terry Lumber institution who are en route to our gleaming offices to assist in mounting a strog case against you for as little money possible.
Make no mistake, we intend to sue you to the bone. All rights reserved.!
However, you may be spared such disgrace (and various late fees) by remitting the following to our gleaming, high-prices offices at once:: a 24 pack of individually wrapped skittles, 4 packages of Grape Pop Rocks, 1. (one) case of domestic ale, chilled to our liking as well as (2) Super 8 standard bath towels and One (1) Dexy's Midnight Runner 's CD entitled "TOO-RYE-AY" (the 1981 original; a rare item which we expect to be delivered in fair to good condition) .
The choice remains with you, SIR, Prostrate yourself before us or drown in a deep sea of legal imbroglio
Unless you enjoy severe, prologed agony delivered without remorse, you will comply at once. We sincerely hope that we can resolve this issue in a manner pleasing to one Eddie Murphy.
EPIDENDALOGUE: PLEASE UPDATE YOUR FILES, BACKING THEM UP TO EXABYTE OR ANY STABLE MEDIA OF YOUR CHOOSING. UNBELIEVABLE!
FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY.